Category Archives: first years

Black Pudding, French Fries and the Irish Revolution

I’m starting to think that Ireland has a tendency to make everyone slightly nuts. I don’t have any proof, but I’m sure that they use whiskey to purify the water here. It’s the only explanation for why everyone is so happy all the time, and why we are all on a continuous mission to cause mischief.

irish-potato-232x300Added to this, there seems to be incessant need for the Irish to prove that they’ve recovered from the potato famine of the 19th century and feed you as much potato as they possibly can. I’ve already mentioned the baked potato stuffed with mash, but the other night we had lasagne and french fries. Who the hell serves french fries with pasta?! I’m convinced it’s a plot to take over the world. Get everyone drunk on whiskey water and weighed down by starch. Nobody’ll be able to do anything when the leprechauns move in on their bunny army.

Not to say that the food isn’t great, because it is. The doctor might disagree. She was conned insisted on trying black pudding at breakfast (excuse me while I take a moment to laugh hysterically again). I’ve never seen anything come out of someone’s mouth so fast and yet so politely.
‘That bad?’ I inquired.
‘It tastes like burnt blood,’ she said, taking huge sips of orange juice.
Now, I’m no expert here, but I have to wonder how she knows what burnt blood tastes like. I know I don’t. If it were the Middle Ages, I might consider reporting this odd incident to the local priest. It could be evidence of some odd Pagan sacrifical ceremony involving insubordinate undergrads. For now I’ll just have to watch my back.

Either way, we’re off to Belfast today. When I return I shall regale you with tales of the mysterious stranger, the wise professor’s saged advice about sex and older men, oh, and Belfast. Yay!


I Give Up

Last night I ran into Hilton whilst he was prostituting his little self in front of the Quarry Spar.. well waiting for his mommy to pick him up after work. He said I looked stressed and well frankly, that was an understatement. Here’s my little list and why after yesterday I found a close and unbreakable bond to Lister, no not the new media guru, but my ledge. Lister offers me hope that once this list gets too long he is there to help me throw first years off.

1) First year essays must be marked by Friday, they take about three hours each to mark and are crap, oh and I have 27 of them to do

2) Second year tuts must go on as planned and I must also mark all their silliness

3) They also have essays which must be marked, and after reading their tuts I wonder what amazing insights they’ll have for me there

4) SACOMM abstract must be written.. apparently writing a paper for a conference is a good idea and it’ll make a good chapeter for my MA

5) Oh crap, my MA, right need to get that proposal in and write the introduction.. dammit.. how could I forget bout this one

6) Then there’s all that Access nonsense that I thought would be a good idea but now is just taking up time… sigh… at least these students are worthwhile

7) Meetings.. all I can say is GRRRRRRRR!!!!

8) Covering for other certain Masters students who have gone AWOL after the doctor gave them bad news

9) Dodging the doctor

10) Lack of sleep because randoms decide to do tanker rally driving up and down my street at two in the morning

11) Oh… and of course my favorite, keeping civil to certain undesirables (sorry Mich, didn’t mean to steal your adjective)

The list carries on, but I don’t have time to write any more because guess what… I have second years to tutor SIGH!!

Insight Into a First Year Brain

I’m currently in the process of marking the first essay that our darling little firsties write for Media, and I gotta say that I have been educated in ways that I never dreamed were possible. In one way I dread this essay, because I know that no matter how hard we try to educate them and tell them how an academic essay at University level is supposed to be written, they will decide to challenge authority and do their own thing. And so it takes me an hour an essay to mark, just fixing all the mistakes that we have already told them not to do.

However, the one thing I do enjoy in life is a good scare.. and believe me.. the facts that firsties present are indeed scary. If these ‘facts’ are what they are being taught at school then I have been away from school far longer than I had thought because I definitely did not learn anything like this.

One of my favorite fun facts, learnt today, was that South Africa is a democracy.. unlike America. America not a democracy??!!! I’m sure they kinda invented the concept, didn’t they? Or did the Bush administration finally get their way and kick out all the Democrat opposition after seeing their white male dominant power slipping through their fingers?

But I guess my favorite thing about firstie essays is that they think they are all already experts in their field. They think that they know enough about everything not to consult those grey-haired old men who have been researching this stuff since cave drawings were invented and rather just say things like: “Ideas have pointed to all journalists being corrupt”… Um… Really? Are ALL journos the scum of the planet? Are they aware that they are calling some very important people (people who will be marking their exams) scum? And whose ideas are these.. because I’ve yet to find anyone actually naming anybody.. but I suppose you wouldn’t wanna give up your source.. being a journalist and all 😉

Oh my little ones.. what deluded little planets you come from. Free advice: Actually do proper research next time and listen to what the wise lecturer lady tells you. You could surprise us all and actually make a valid argument after 3 years. Good luck!!

Firsties Need Respect

I’ve come to the conclusion that most firsties are the rejects of the earth… I think they are the proof that government experimentation on human intelligence is being done… and failing miserably!! Today, I was sitting in on one of their lectures (I didn’t realise tutoring meant selling my soul to the devil) and was once again astonished at their ignorance, rudeness and utter lack of dress sense…. tights and skirts… I’m sorry, but who was the fool that thought that was a good idea!?

The poor lecturer, who I think was already having a bad day, was trying to teach the little monsters about film and audiences, but you think they could show her any respect? It baffles me as to why students sign up for courses that they have no interest in. Ok.. fair enough I understand that in first year you pick electives that have nothing to do with your intended major. But the part I don’t get is why do firsties seem to think that they already know everything and don’t have to listen in the lectures.

Here’s news for everyone… as crazy as academics are and act, there is a reason they are like that… their brains are completely overloaded with brilliance and at times a little puppy… but the point is that they know their shit and it’s taken them years to get there. No arrogant little firstie at this point has the capacity to even vaguely comprehend the knowledge a proper academic possesses. Even me with my brilliance, cannot comprehend it… actually it makes my brain hurt trying, and it upsets my puppy.

So my advice…. listen… they actually do know what they on about most of the time and besides little ones, you are paying them R2000 to stand up there to talk to you; you might as well pay attention and pray that some of their talent rubs off on you, cause let’s face it, you need it… your brain isn’t that incredible!!

Random Visits

So I’m sitting in my office, being a good little student putting the empirical data together for my thesis, when my… hmm gotta be careful here… amazingly wise and brilliant lecturer bursts in and says: “I’m sticking this on your door!” and pointing to an old newspaper clipping.

“Um, why? And I’m scared, ” I respond. She reckons she feels that the content of this article will firstly, inspire all of us in our office, namely me and Michelle, I don’t think she knows about Solomon yet… and secondly, any of our children that come to harass us. I pointed out that we do not have any children and if we did they would probably have died years ago from being thrown too many times against a wall! But she insisted that we do, even if we don’t want to lay claim to them… where these children are I have no clue and actually I prefer being ignorant on this matter. And if anyone suggests that first years constitute children all I can say is what absolute rubbish!!! They barely human, let alone actual functioning people! And children, I might add, no matter how cute and cuddly they appear to be are more diabolical than Hitler and Stalin put together… something that requires brain power that far surpasses even the most gifted of first years.

Anyway, back to that clipping… when I actually got a chance to see what was being cemented to our wall (she decided the door wasn’t good enough) I saw that it was a report about the dangers of student drinking and how most students are compromising their studies for partying… Hmmm… could this be a hint of some sort?? Not really sure… I mean since when do me or Michelle for that matter ever overdo the partying?? Must just be a reminder of what to look out for in other students.

Actually what got me was who the bright spark of a reporter was that thought that this constituted news?? I mean come on!!! Students drinking is not anything new or newsworthy!! As far as I can see it, it’s actually a right of passage that all students have to go through… You didn’t do varsity right if you can remember all of it!!


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